Count the Ways You Love Yourself

Jan 9

January is the month we think about the behaviors and habits we want to change that affect our health, relationships, finances, and our home and work lives. The phrase "New Year's Resolutions" does not appear in the media, nor is it discussed among friends as frequently as it once did. I suspect that is because often New Year's Resolutions are broken.

Why is that?

From a hypnotherapist's viewpoint, it is because we are relying on willpower to make the change, or motivation that is not specific or deep enough, or we are not using our imagination to inspire us on a sensory level to connect with the change we are seeking.

Instead of tackling one behavior or habit, I am working from the last blog post, which was an in-depth look at self-care using my Self-Care Assessment. I ended the post by introducing self-love as a natural outgrowth of self-care.

Self-love is the foundation for behaviors and habits that support loving feelings for the health and joy of our mind, body, and spirit.

I once worked with a client, whom I will call Sheila, who carried the weight of decades of self-hatred and shame. She knew what self-hatred and shame felt like and spoke volumes about both. What she wanted, but did not know where to begin, was to simply love herself.

Sheila and I worked together twice a week for six weeks. I used my Self-Care Assessment to help Sheila flip the decades of self-hatred onto the other side of the coin: a nurturing state of self-love.

I like to use a quarter as an image because it is so easy to flip a quarter; heads or tails? It does not need to be so hard to do the same with our feelings. It may take more work the longer a pattern has been in place. At the same time, building the flip side is much more fun, engaging, and expensive. Sheila was comfortable using the Self-Care Assessment as her road map.

In hypnotherapy, Sheila saw herself behind the wheel of the car she always wanted, a red Mazda Miata, vintage age. The Self-Care Assessment became her imaginary road map, connecting her consciousness to a few action items across the Physical, Psychological, and Workplace Self-Care subject areas that resonated with her.

These were her action items:

Physical Self-Care

Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner
Cook for yourself

Psychological Self-Care

Listen to your inner thoughts; notice self-judgments, beliefs, attitudes, and feelings.

Emotional Self-Care

Own a pet

Workplace Self-Care

Learn to say “no” when you have the opportunity.

The Self-Care Assessment increased Sheila’s abilities to dig into these actions and feel the joy of caring for herself. Clearly, Sheila was ready to begin making changes. I used the word “joy” at the beginning, but within six weeks, Sheila was feeling what she described as heartfelt, love towards herself as she cooked and ate her three meals a day. She played with and took so much joy in her lap-sized rescue dog, including walking to the dog park where they interacted with other dogs and dog lovers. In the workplace, Sheila said “no” at least twice during the six weeks we worked together.

Sheila felt happier and more energized in new ways, lost any feelings of loneliness, and naturally lost the five pounds that had been nagging her.

The Psychological Self-Care action, "Listen to your inner thoughts; notice self-judgments, beliefs, attitudes, and feelings," was the one area that required more time as we chiseled away at the negative beliefs Sheila had acquired since childhood using hypnotherapy. These beliefs created habits and behaviors that Sheila recognized no longer served her, and it was time to leave them behind. I was Sheila’s guide, helping her bring to the forefront the parts she was ready to let go of and replace with positive, supportive beliefs about herself, her behaviors, and her habits.

Sheila selected, while in hypnosis, the action items from the Self-Care Assessment that brought her to “flip her quarter.” When she flipped the coin to self-love, she saw herself, from the waist up, wearing a white t-shirt with a red heart where her heart naturally lies. She was smiling and feeling relaxed in her body. There was a message around the coin that said, “I love my beautiful self.”